- Man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion!
- Man stuck in pantry have ass in jam.
- When called an idiot, better to be quiet than open mouth and remove all doubt.
- Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
- Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
- Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Virginity like bubble: one prick, all gone.
- Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
- Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep shit.
Hahaha I love these! I mean. These MAY embody Confucius’ best advice of all time (second to saying people should respect their elders, of course).
I don’t know about you, but when I think of Confucius I always think of: long white beard; old; wise; Chinese. Essentially, Mr. Gray with an Asian flair….i.e. this image:
When I look at this photo I definitely think, yeah that dude knows some sh#*!). (My apologies, that was very PG-13 of me). But seriously, if he tells me “Hello Shelly – ’tis better to take the straight and narrow path” then slap my ruby slippers on me because I’m skipping down that road fo sho.
Now, I’d venture to say that if the image we have of Confucius was instead, of a young strapping 20 something:
….I don’t think society would have turned him into a “thing”, i.e. Confucius memes. But what’s the obvious differentiating factor here that would impact this? A to the G to the E. AGE!
Ya mon: you need the GRAY to back the SAY.
We have long connected wisdom to seniors and in some countries, they are highly valued because of it. For example, in most Asian countries (go Asia go Asia) Mr. Gray is treated like GOLD — kept, collected, protected, cherished. In the U.S. (you’re totes slackin’ here red, white, and blue), Mr. Gray is treated more like a rusty iron, used, brittle, ready to break and be replaced. If you ask me, the U.S. is crazytown, because seniors can drop knowledge like Beyonce dropped “Lemonade.” They know so much!!!
This may not be as sophisticated as Confucius, but the OG Mr. Gray (i.e. my grandpa) knew how to fix every health ailment with one magical drink.
Hey don’t knock it ’till you try it. Seriously though, every time I had a stomach ache, constipation (oh, don’t be bashful), etc., he would tell me to drink prune juice and was like Mr. Gray in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” was with windex: PRUNE JUICE FIXES EVERYTHIIIIING! Now, being the old woman I am and always was, I actually liked prune juice at age 10, BUT, I wasn’t necessarily thrilled to drink it every time he recommended it. However, most times, it did the trick and all was well again in the world.
We all have things like that from our grandparents, older folks around us, right? I bet if you thought about it right now you could think of one you’ve heard of that’s worked for you. READY GO! For example, activated charcoal is a trendy (and effective) thing now to take if you think you ate something with a bad bacteria because it binds to it and out it goes! News to me, but senior citizens already knew that.
You just googled activated charcoal, didn’t you?
Well, anywho, I mentioned that to my dad recently after he had food poisoning and he was like “uh DUUUUH Shelly, my mother used to burn potato skins to make a charcoal slurry and give to it to Bernie (my uncle) when he was sick back in the day” (My dad doesn’t talk like that, for the record ;o)). But clearly he knew what was up. And to make me feel even more like an idiot, I thought, “Did my dad just say ‘slurry’ when he meant to say ‘slurpee.’ What the heck is a slurry?!?! Oh man I was old-schooled that day.
But the wisdom Mr. Gray has goes far beyond little tidbits. It’s deep and vast like the ocean— love, relationships, finances, spirituality, even happiness. Luckily for us, Mr. Gray loves to share his knowledge! And thank goodness because us young folks need it like we need to breathe air whether we’ve realized it yet or not.
Recently, Mr. Gray sent me his “5 Pillars of Life” that he believes are the key to living a happy, fun-filled life. Literally, this 66 year old I don’t really know took likely hours out of his day to create a document (a GOOGLE DOC – see my “Tech Savvy” entry) to share this life experience with me….to share with all of you! I was honored, flattered, and mostly thankful, because who doesn’t want the key to happiness?!
Sprinkle it ON USSS!
Drumroll please………..Mr. Gray’s 5 Pillars of Life AAARREEE:
- Mind – Lifetime of learning
- Body – Healthy weight, regular check-ups
- Spirit – Explore something greater than yourself
- Finances – Live well within your means (or below)
- Relationships – Build and maintain a solid network (from spouse to neighbors)
These are listed in order of importance (hey Mind, you my #1 boo). Mr. Gray say: “Man who masters all 5, lives 1 happy life.” Read that in a Confucius voice – totally works.
Got it? Good. Then, Mr. Gray hit me with a BOOOOONUS 6th pillar that happens naturally when all 5 are mastered, but sometimes needs to be planned: FUN. He pointed out that this is not an easy task and is a life-long pursuit, but it is achievable. To demonstrate this, Mr. Gray shared how he personally works on each area:
The way I play this out in my personal life is my wife and I start each day with a three-mile, brisk walk every morning (Body). We discuss our family and our plans, and we strategize for what needs to be done. We spend some of that walking time praying together for our children, extended family, friends, community, and for their intentions (Spirit). We attend church with our family regularly and try to live a life consistent with our religious beliefs (Spirit). We live well within our means, have invested wisely, and have done so throughout our lives. I spend time strategizing best investments and profit from stock market fluctuation (Finances). I read non-fiction books, magazines, and online media on a variety of topics. I attend technical conferences to keep up with what’s going on in the world and how I might benefit myself and my community from what I learn (Mind). I maintain a great relationship with my wife, children, and siblings. I serve on the boards of directors in community organizations, and am a leader in my church. I meet my daughters and my friends for lunch several times each month, and renew friendship with people I haven’t seen in many years (Relationships). I make sure my family takes vacations every summer, on luxury cruises or other vacations to the beach, mountains, historical sites, etc. I take a weekend getaway with my wife to celebrate our wedding anniversary each year (Fun).
Savage, Mr. Gray, Savage. There certainly is a simple brilliance in this advice. It’s almost so common sense that it’s not something we often think about, especially when we’re younger in life. But Mr. Gray shared this dose of wisdom to help younger (and older folks) take note, and hopefully, take action.
Personally, the biggest takeaway I had from this was BALANCE. When all key areas of life are addressed and given attention, there is balance. What a wise sage Mr. Gray is…not beyond his years…but because of his years.